Smile (Joke)

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Chrisg
Posts: 647
Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » August 2nd, 2014, 4:58 am

I heard an article from some Guru at Harvard last week that laughter has huge beneficial effects on our general well being.
So with this in mind let’s start a "Fun" section to help get rid of "negative radicals".


Chris
:snoball:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hello."

"Mrs. Sanders, please."
"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well...
We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.
Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's
and the other one tested positive for HIV.
We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The MEDICARE Help desk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.
If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

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Colin Pearson
Posts: 928
Joined: August 12th, 2013, 6:25 am
Location: Berkshire England

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Colin Pearson » August 2nd, 2014, 5:04 am

I always try and have some fun.

The negative radicals can actually be extremely funny.

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freckles1880
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Posts: 8664
Joined: April 18th, 2009, 7:19 pm
Location: Broomfield, Colorado

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by freckles1880 » August 2nd, 2014, 7:55 am

That sounds like the plan we have.

wavhi
Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009. ICD turned off 10-6-17 as stage 4 lung cancer taking over.
Major heart attack, carcinogenic shock and quad bypass 10-13-08 post myocardial infarction, old inferior MI complicated by shock and CHF, combined, Atherosclerosis, abdominal aortic Aneurysm, Seroma 7 cm, left leg. Stent in the left main vein 10-7-2014

My "Wardens" are my bride of 54+ years and my daughters.

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David882
Posts: 882
Joined: July 12th, 2014, 8:58 pm
Location: 49 06' 42.42" N 113 49' 52.52" W

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by David882 » August 2nd, 2014, 9:00 am

Back in the day, Mom would give me a dollar and send me to the store. I would come home with a gallon of milk, a pound of cheese, two loafs of bread, a bag of flour, a bag of rice, and a couple pounds of beans. Can't do that anymore, no sir, there are just to many security cameras.
With Respect,
David

11 Sept 2012 / Idiopathic Ventricular Fibrillation
At about 2AM I started storming at home, and in the ambulance, and in the ER.
Sometimes I restated and sometimes I had to be defibrillated.
A number of times I went into arrest and stopped breathing.
External defibrillation count exceeded 18 and at some point the team induced a coma.
24 hours later I was revived and have never had another event.
13 Sept 2012 / Medtronic ICD was implanted.
My diagnosis is still idiopathic.

Smartredd
Posts: 116
Joined: June 12th, 2012, 10:06 pm
Location: South-est, central-est Wisconsin

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Smartredd » August 3rd, 2014, 9:07 pm

When I first got my ICD, I had a small rose tattooed over the scar. Now, years later I have a long stemmed rose.
Love, Smart Red

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charlesacc
Posts: 49
Joined: June 3rd, 2014, 5:50 pm
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by charlesacc » August 3rd, 2014, 9:44 pm

A man was continually breathless despite having a pacemaker so he went to the doctor. After examining him the doctor referred him to the cardiologist.

The cardiologist took his wife aside, and said your husband has a very unstable heart. He has stents, he has a pacemaker,he has a fib and he can't tolerate exercise I am afraid he is not going to make it, unless you treat him like a king ! "

This means you are at his every beck and call, 24 hours a day and that he must not do anything himself. He won't be able to help around the house at all . You will have to do everything !!

On the way home the husband asked with a note of concern " What did he say? " Well, the lady responded, he said it looks like you probably won''t make it !

Chrisg
Posts: 647
Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » August 4th, 2014, 10:29 am

Dear Dad Letter - Brilliant

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed
was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and, with
trembling hands, read the letter...

'Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she
is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her
piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is
so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the
woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream
of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the
other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In
the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know
your many grandchildren.

Love, your son,

Joshua

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that's on the kitchen table.
Call me when it is safe for me to come home.

Chris

:snoball:
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

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charlesacc
Posts: 49
Joined: June 3rd, 2014, 5:50 pm
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by charlesacc » August 4th, 2014, 10:21 pm

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her grandpa who has just had a PM implant. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her grandpa's room.

"Grandpa, grandpa," she says excitedly,"as soon as mommy comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said her Grandpa.

"Make a noise like a frog because mommy said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!"
safetocomeout

Mary Kay
Posts: 1475
Joined: September 23rd, 2011, 10:57 am
Location: Oak View, CA

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Mary Kay » August 7th, 2014, 10:55 pm

whewsmile whewsmile whewsmile
CHF, Cardiomyopathy and LBBB
EF 20%
St. Jude Bi Vent ICD CRT implanted September 9, 2011
7 shock storm inappropriate due to dislodged lead
damaged lead removed and replaced Sept 26, 2011
EF improved to 50% in December 2012
Carvedilol 12.5 mg 2x
Ramipril 5 mg 2x

Chrisg
Posts: 647
Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » August 10th, 2014, 3:58 am

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Taronga Park , Sydney, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lions' cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter, addressing the Harley rider, says: 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies: 'Why, it was nothing, really; the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right..'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I am a highly respected journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page.. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies: 'I'm an SAS soldier just returned from Afghanistan and a Liberal party supporter.'

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the daily paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

SAS SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.

Chris

:snoball:
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

Chrisg
Posts: 647
Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » August 12th, 2014, 5:32 am

An elderly couple, who had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.

The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.



One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.

She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:



"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears.

I love you."



The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

Chris

:snoball:
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

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freckles1880
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Posts: 8664
Joined: April 18th, 2009, 7:19 pm
Location: Broomfield, Colorado

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by freckles1880 » August 18th, 2014, 4:08 pm

Image

Now you understand me a little better. I'm just like this Grandma.

wavhi
Last edited by freckles1880 on August 18th, 2014, 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: made picture smaller
Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009. ICD turned off 10-6-17 as stage 4 lung cancer taking over.
Major heart attack, carcinogenic shock and quad bypass 10-13-08 post myocardial infarction, old inferior MI complicated by shock and CHF, combined, Atherosclerosis, abdominal aortic Aneurysm, Seroma 7 cm, left leg. Stent in the left main vein 10-7-2014

My "Wardens" are my bride of 54+ years and my daughters.

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notvaporlocked
Posts: 837
Joined: January 14th, 2008, 10:52 am
Location: Boston Mountains of Oklahoma

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by notvaporlocked » August 18th, 2014, 5:03 pm

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.

Not Bad.
Man Prayer
I'm a man.... But I can change.... If I have to.... I guess.

Red Green Show

Loving with all your heart is the only way to love somebody, Otherwise its not worth all the trouble!
Cary Grant

May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping. (From the movie, Keeping the Faith)

Medtronic Protecta XT (Second ICD), 3 leads (1 unhooked Fidelis) Sept 27, 2006, Feb 12, 2013

3 V-fib therapies. It works, I'm still here.

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Colin Pearson
Posts: 928
Joined: August 12th, 2013, 6:25 am
Location: Berkshire England

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Colin Pearson » August 19th, 2014, 7:26 am

Very good.

Chrisg
Posts: 647
Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » August 25th, 2014, 10:04 am

After being married for 40 years;

I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman;
She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.

Chris

:snoball:
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

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