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 Losing a Friend 
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Joined: April 11th, 2011, 2:28 pm
Posts: 780
Location: Wichita Kansas
Post Losing a Friend
I became acquainted with "JoeNH" on this site. Some of you may remember him. He and I maintained some contact and friendship after he stopped participating on here about 4 years ago.

I once told him that I didn't think we were much alike and that I wasn't sure if we would ever have been friends. At least not close friends. Maybe just acquaintances.

He was very talkative. VERY Talkative! And pretty opinionated, even argumentative at times. I'm more of a quiet person. He's been single all his life. I've been married for over 35 years. He lives in New England, I'm a Midwesterner. Our personalities are very different, or so I thought.

He then told me that he thought we were very much alike in many ways. Oh, there were many similarities. We were both CPAs, both of us self employed. We were close to the same age, he was a couple of years younger. Type A personalities. Analytical brains.

But the real bond we had between us, and many of you know how strong this bond can be, was that we both had survived a Sudden Cardiac Arrest.

He was driving a car when his SCA happened. I was watching TV. He was in a coma for 2 weeks, me, about 40 hours. The SCAs happened to both of us during our most stressful and busy time of year, "tax season". He was helicoptered to a hospital, my wife performed CPR on me until the paramedics arrived.

But we both had died, or at the very least we were both in the very last stage of existence where we had ceased breathing, our hearts had effectively stopped and our brains were just hanging on in a losing battle to try and maintain life. Both of us would have been gone were it not for my wife and some talented and dedicated paramedics.

That's a helluva thing to have in common and it can be very emotional.

I got an ICD after my ordeal. He refused one. He went headlong into a diet and exercise regimen. I took things at a slower pace, improved my diet, but walked a lot for exercise. We both got healthier.

We met once in person, went out for dinner and had a beer or two. We laughed together and cried a little bit too. We emailed a lot to each other. Swapped office war stories. Talked on the phone on occasion.

Great friends? Maybe not, but definitely very good friends and we sure had that bond.

We hadn't spoken to each other for a few months, no emails either. But that wasn't unusual. Sometimes we were like that, not communicate for awhile, then all of a sudden engage in a flurry of emails.

Another friend let me know that he was in the hospital, but didn't know much about his condition. I called the hospital. They said he was in the ICU and wouldn't be specific about his condition unless I was a family member. I sent a card and called the hospital 2 days later, no change. I called every other day or so, and when 2 weeks had passed I suspected that this wasn't going to end well. It didn't.

I found out that he had passed away on Sept 3. Some sort of heart failure was the cause, but I suspect that I'll never know the details. It doesn't matter. It was a surprise because I had no inkling he was having trouble. It was frustrating to know he was in trouble and not be able to find much information or know what had happened.

We met on this support site about 4 years ago. His SCA was about a year before mine and, to some extent, he sort of took me under his wing. His friendship was very meaningful for me.

It's funny how people come into your life and sometimes also go out of your life.

Going to miss him.

_________________
MI 1/21/11; SCA's 2/3/11 and 2/4/11
I have a Boston Scientific Teligen ICD and a Boston Scientific Promus stent,
I guess my cardiologist is sort of a BS kind of guy.

Two rules to live by:
1) Don't sweat the small stuff!
2) It's all small stuff!


My Intro is on this page: http://www.icdsupportgroup.org/board/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=3&p=74917#p74917


September 12th, 2015, 2:01 pm
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Joined: April 18th, 2009, 7:19 pm
Posts: 8407
Location: Broomfield, Colorado
Post Re: Losing a Friend
I am sorry we lost another member. My condolences to his family and friends. I just hope he was not in a lot of pain.
I did not really know much about Joe other than what he did post but am sorry he is gone.

wavhi

_________________
Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009.
Major heart attack, carcinogenic shock and quad bypass 10-13-08 post myocardial infarction, old inferior MI complicated by shock and CHF, combined, Atherosclerosis, abdominal aortic Aneurysm, Seroma 7 cm, left leg. Stent in the left main vein 10-7-2014

My "Wardens" are my bride of 53+ years and my eldest daughter.


September 12th, 2015, 2:57 pm
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Joined: February 9th, 2012, 5:09 pm
Posts: 2863
Post Re: Losing a Friend
very sorry to hear this jim.....its strange how we connect with people on this internet isnt it..and our friendships become a huge part of our life support system.....my sincere condolences on the loss of your friend......ive lost a couple of online friends too...and not only is the loss great...but the not knowing what happened or when they go missing is a huge thing...so when i had my big cardiac arrest in 2010 id put in place options for my kids to get the news out...and they did.....they have my passwords for the sites i use and ive asked them to contact people and let them know if im away for any lenght of time..my family and kids dont know everyone i chat to or am friends with ....so its the only way i can think to let them know....hugs

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I think.....Therefore I am.!!!!!


September 12th, 2015, 5:40 pm
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Joined: August 12th, 2013, 6:25 am
Posts: 841
Location: Berkshire England
Post Re: Losing a Friend
That is so sad.

Makes you think about how well we really know each other on here.

I consider many, no, all of the regular posters on here good friends. But 'internet' friends which is a strange distinction.

But as is typical being a bloke, I bet most of the blokes on here have no contact outside of the forum with the others and wouldn't know what, should the worse happen, had happened. Only by the fact that that person doesn't visit or post anymore.

I reckon that the girls probably have alternative means of keeping in touch though?

I could be wrong and Robo and Mrag in real life actually do a few rounds of Golf together each month. wavhi


September 13th, 2015, 5:17 am
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Joined: April 11th, 2011, 2:28 pm
Posts: 780
Location: Wichita Kansas
Post Re: Losing a Friend
Mykidsmom, you raise a good point. I, too, have left instructions about passwords, etc and have wished that my kids would at least make some sort of announcement online about my demise. And in my case there are a few places, a couple of blogs and sites like this where I would like people to be informed.

People on sites like this are very important to us all. Its unfortunate that geographic distances make it difficult for us to get to know each other even better.

_________________
MI 1/21/11; SCA's 2/3/11 and 2/4/11
I have a Boston Scientific Teligen ICD and a Boston Scientific Promus stent,
I guess my cardiologist is sort of a BS kind of guy.

Two rules to live by:
1) Don't sweat the small stuff!
2) It's all small stuff!


My Intro is on this page: http://www.icdsupportgroup.org/board/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=3&p=74917#p74917


September 13th, 2015, 10:36 am
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Joined: January 27th, 2015, 8:00 am
Posts: 580
Location: Northern Illinois
Post Re: Losing a Friend
You were both very fortunate to have found friends in each other. Sounds like he lived his life the way he wanted and that's a good thing.

May you have peace knowing how much he has touched your life.
:hugg:

_________________
Best wishes,
Stacey

CHF Jan 2016
ICD Nov 2014
LBBB Nov 2014
Sudden cardiac arrest Nov 2014
Arrhythmia Aug 1982


September 13th, 2015, 1:54 pm
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