I am sorry, but I am going to talk straight. I was diagnosed in 1999, at the time the CRT-D was not even available. I got mine in 2006, and it was a pretty new technology. I am STILL HERE. If you want to take the risk and let yourself be ruled by your anxiety, then go ahead. As Robbo said, just don't get it and take the risk of dying earlier than you could anticipate. We are truly blessed today with what is available to us in the way of Heart therapy, and to carry on the way you are about this device, that is there to keep you alive and improve your quality of life, and millions of people around the World do not even have the opportunity to have it put in, is extremely selfish and childish.
Sorry this is harsh, but I have been through, and a lot of us on here also have, serious illness for years, and if it wasn't for Modern Medicine and these brilliant devices, we would be pushing up daisies. I suggest you start looking at the glass half full, accept your heart is not healthy and you do need assistance to keep it going. These devices give us a quality of life for years, yes you will die eventually, but believe me, you will live a lot more years as a result of these devices you are so negative about.
I have even had a new mitral valve inserted, the first in Australia. When it was put in there were only 6 people in the world who had this done. Two of them had died. I did not even consider that possibility, I wanted to live, I am not afraid to die, but I have a lot to do before then at the moment. If we lived our lives looking at the negatives, we might as well sit in a corner and suck a dummy. Life is full of the unknown, we have to get on with it, and live our lives. You sound like you want to give up, not embrace what opportunities you have, so if that is your decision, go ahead. I am sure that your family and friends are also the subject of your anxiety, please consider those around you, they are also living this experience with you, and believe me we do impact on others when we are obsessed with our own health.
It does come to a time where you have to weigh up the quality of life issues seriously, but for me that time hasn't come yet. When it does, I know I have done all I can to keep here, and be able to contribute. That is a life well lived, your approach is just a waste.
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” Carl Jung
Diagnosed with cardiomyopathy in 10/99
LBBB & VT diagnosed Feb 06
Guidant Biventricular Pacer ICD inserted Feb 06: Boston Scientific Incepta CRT-D inserted May, 2012
Oesophageal Cancer, 2012, Gall Bladder & Septicemia 2014 resulting in VFib and severe heart damage
Bare Metal Stent May, 2012 Mitral Valve replaced 2015
Meds: Entresto, Bicard, Coralan, Eurtorxsiq, Frusehexl, Spiractin, Sigmaxin, Creon, Warfarin,
Appropriate Shocks for Ventricular VFib.