Trying to work again

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slk123
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Joined: January 27th, 2015, 8:00 am
Location: Northern Illinois

Trying to work again

Post by slk123 » November 30th, 2017, 8:39 am

Well, I've decided to take on a job. My youngest is in kindergarten so now I have my days free and figured I would make a couple bucks. I decided to be a substitute teacher again. I did this back in the 90s and enjoyed it. I can pick and choose when and where I want to work. Well, I received an automated call this morning asking if I wanted a job today and I said yes. Then all things started to go wrong. When I went to hit the button to accept the job, I ended up hitting the wrong button and ended up not only declining the job, but it was also the button that says I don't want any more calls today. Knowing I messed up, I went to the computer and logged in to change my response. I saw another sub job and went to accept it but hit the wrong button AGAIN!!! and ended up declining that job, too.

I don't know why this happened and I'm so upset with myself I feel sick to my stomach. It's been 3 years since my SCA. I know I have some brain injury because of it, but I have noticed great improvements. Now I'm wondering if I've really made improvements or have I just learned to live with the brain injury and no improvements have really been made. When I subbed a couple weeks ago in a second grade classroom, I couldn't believe how much I struggled just to try and figure out what I was supposed to be teaching the kids. It was all right in front of me but for some reason it took a long time to really comprehend what I was supposed to do.

I'm at such a loss with all of this. Am I able to go back to work? Am I not? What's going to happen if I'm not able to do this or any other job? No one understands the struggles with brain injury except those who have it....thank you for letting me vent. I'll be sitting on the couch doing not much of anything today.
Best wishes,
Stacey

CHF Jan 2016
ICD Nov 2014
LBBB Nov 2014
Sudden cardiac arrest Nov 2014
Arrhythmia Aug 1982

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freckles1880
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Re: Trying to work again

Post by freckles1880 » November 30th, 2017, 9:11 am

What can I say. It appears that your inner self does NOT want to work. That may be the best. You need a clear mind to work with kids and it reads like it's not there yet.

Good luck. I know the struggles in trying to keep a clear head

wavhi
Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009. ICD turned off 10-6-17 as stage 4 lung cancer taking over.
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luvmydogs
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Re: Trying to work again

Post by luvmydogs » November 30th, 2017, 10:06 am

I understand the mental part of it. I feel like I have serious brain fog from the medications. I do accounting and find some days harder than others to keep focused on numbers. I also have found when I'm tired it's worse and I don't do stress well. It confuses things more. I used to like the pressure and stress.

I think you've taken a hit to your confidence. Can you try something else first to get your confidence back? Maybe volunteer somewhere over the holidays. Or spend time volunteering in your child's school until you feel ready. Just a suggestion.
Joanne (aka Jo)

slk123
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Location: Northern Illinois

Re: Trying to work again

Post by slk123 » November 30th, 2017, 2:28 pm

luvmydogs wrote:
November 30th, 2017, 10:06 am
Can you try something else first to get your confidence back? Maybe volunteer somewhere over the holidays. Or spend time volunteering in your child's school until you feel ready. Just a suggestion.
I like the suggestion. Thing is, I have been volunteering at the school since 2010 (my SCA was in 2014), and have been coaching cross country and track at the school for the last 4 years. I thought I was ready to move forward and try working. I used to work in the legal field as the manager of the secretarial department. I was responsible for up to 75 legal secretaries. The legal field can be very trying, fast paced, and hectic. I figured I go back to doing something a little less hectic and more enjoyable.

Maybe Bob is right, my inner self isn't ready even though I think I am.
Best wishes,
Stacey

CHF Jan 2016
ICD Nov 2014
LBBB Nov 2014
Sudden cardiac arrest Nov 2014
Arrhythmia Aug 1982

kiwiguy
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Joined: June 19th, 2014, 12:24 am

Re: Trying to work again

Post by kiwiguy » November 30th, 2017, 2:43 pm

3 years is a long time to let the brain get used to not having to deal with mental pressure and stress. It could be simply that you need time at it to get things switched on and working again.
Its like the first few days back after a holiday (read vacation) are a struggle to get the brain back into gear, and 3 years is a long vacation (read holiday) for your brain.

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ROBO Pop
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Re: Trying to work again

Post by ROBO Pop » November 30th, 2017, 3:51 pm

Maybe it's not you. Teaching kids should scare the crap out of any sane person.
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mykidsmom
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Re: Trying to work again

Post by mykidsmom » November 30th, 2017, 6:43 pm

I sorta dont think its because your inner you doest want the jobs stacey...i think its probably just you overloaded with excitement stress, and panic...and hit the button too fast...going back to work is a huge huge thing....and no matter how much you plan for it..when it actually happens like it did to you this morning ......you panic..

see how you feel tomorrow...and take it easy and dont stress over it..

Ive mentioned a few times today believe it or not that my brain damage was to do with numbers..i cant retain numbers...i was an accountant so my job prospects after the sca would have been a disaster thank god id retired the year before to babysit the first grandchild when he was born....but i did a similar thing to you..i was paying bills online, the gas company, the hydro company....and very proud of myself....until i realized when i checked the bank balance id paid them all $1000 that month....the gas company must have almost died of fright..my monthly bill that month was $65 lol..and you know these companies will not refund you lol....after that and for a while later i didnt trust myself to pay bills unless someone was sitting beside me at the computer......

your going to do just fine stacey..... :big-hug: :big-hug:
I think.....Therefore I am.!!!!!

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