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 Giving thanks 
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Joined: September 14th, 2009, 2:36 pm
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Location: the Oval Office
Post Giving thanks
Each morning I roll over, shut off the alarm and drag my protesting body from under the covers so I can hop on the bathroom scale and watch as red alerts go out, an obnoxious klaxon sounds and the scale screams at me...GET OFF !!!

Like I really need that sanctimonious scale to tell me I'm retaining enough fluid to carry a seven day camel for a year. The fact my ring finger is blue, my shoes squish when I walk, and I can't see because my eyes are so puffy the lids droop and block my vision. Pretty good indicator wouldn't you say?

So off I go to begin my mundane existence. Feed two ravenous cats then quickly stuff food into two snarling dogs before they eat the cats. Already gasping for breath, yet even though I suck in oxygen as hard and deep as I can my body protests it ain't enough. I feel like a drowning man in the middle of the Sonoran desert.

I sit down at the kitchen counter to sip a cup of dirty water, I have to avoid caffeine because of all my numerous arrhythmias that make themselves known, and catch my breath. While doing so, I skim the obituaries for my name. The hope being I'll find it and can relax and forget about the rest of my chores. I mean come on what can my wife do to me if I'm already dead no matter her threats?

No such luck, nobody even remotely resembling me, so I leash Bernie my 65 pound chow mix and take him for our morning sojourn. For those suspicious, yes he is an illegal. It's his morning walk, but I'm dragged far more than walk, his enthusiasm drives him. As we head out, I quickly check to ensure I have my cell phone in case I need my loving bride to rescue me ...once again.

The trip down the road isn't too bad, it's the return, all up hill. As I finally open the door I'm exhausted and further winded from my "exercise". Funny Bernie isn't the least tired and wouldn't mind another go. I could drop into bed and go back to sleep. However, if you recall I mentioned two dogs. Yep grab another leash, harness Jazzie, and off we go.

Honestly I once took a short break between each dog and found it to be more challenging than just getting it over. Still Jazzie is a good walker, meaning she doesn't pull, and she likes to stay on the path at the top of our hill so I don't face scaling another Everest.

When we finally arrive back home, I am drained and totally wiped out. My knees are shaky, sweat pours off my body, and I am light in the loafers from that minimal exertion. I sit down while I catch my breath and sip some more of that disgusting brown water known as decaf.

In spite of drinking that swill, my heart begins performing somersaults, pounding, and fluttering in alternating episodes to remind me I am alive or about to die, apparently we get the same warning whether it be life or death. I know I must remain seated until it passes or expect to romance the stone floor.

Time to water outside plants and feed the tortoises, not to mention the wild birds who've become dependent on my largess in lieu of their working for a living. The tortoises follow me around and nip at my heels while I perform my duties. Little buggers are quick. Finally finished for now. Back inside to pop well deserved drugs and finish that god awful stuff in my cup.

I know I should eat something for breakfast, but have nothing left in me to really care. Wiped out, I am too exhausted to even munch a croissant roll. (For the benefit of the non-French speakers Crescent rolls) This happens as often as not, yet it's impossible to ascertain accurately whether I've lost weight since my fluid retention counterbalances any gains, or rather losses if you will.

Oh yeah, speaking of, I need to double my diuretic dosage to shed the fluid before it gets too deep. Of course that also means stick close to the oval office.I try working on a painting I've been nursing for months in between excursions to the potty, but concentration just isn't there so it's work a few minutes then take a break.

It's now late afternoon and my bride is home getting changed to go to the gym. I would normally go with her to walk the indoor track but of late have been going less and less. Especially since falling down the stairs from the upper level track. The kids working there get annoyed when I leave blood all over for them to clean up.

Afternoon and time for my daily dose of Angina to round out my CHF symptoms. I must admit it was nice when first I got the CRT to forgo this aspect but alas it has returned with a vengence. The pain is more intense than past and knocks the stuffing out of you. Much as I try to hide it, my bride can see it in my eyes and worries all the more.

We're sitting discussing what to do for dinner and I decide to forgo eating and just have a small glass of wine while my wife eats. Again a loss of interest in eating.

She begins sharing her day with me. Yesterday was the first day back for school staff to prepare for first day of school next week. My lovely wife is a District Administrator and helps manage 62 Kindergarten to eighth grade schools. This week is heavy on the school staff calling her office in a panic because they didn't prepare everything before heading off for the summer break. School starts in a few days, and they are panic stricken that they don't have all the equipment and/or supplies they should have ordered at school end. Of course it always falls on administrators shoulders to help them recoup from what can only be described as laziness.

Then there's the ongoing issue of teacher shortages. Again a scramble to arrange to plug the gaps for the first day of school. As my wife is performing her tasks, her computer decides to drop out of school and she is dead in the water. A quick call to facilities only to discover there's no money to replace broken equipment but perhaps they can cobble together something to help. They have an old PC with 51/4" floppy disc drive with a whopping 14MB of memory they can give her.

Along with the teachers and school staff issues come the inevitable crazed parent calls. Now let's face it, all little children are not angelic, I had 3 and believe me I know, however nothing compares to a crazed parent who is convinced little Buffy or Jodie are uniquely brilliant honor students, in spite of their obvious criminal records. No joking some of these honor students should be doing hard time.

But as I said, the parents are worse, perhaps the apple falling is apropos... ""My child would never do such a thing. The teachers are making that stuff up. Why do my kids have to get immunizations, why can't the teacher watch them until I get off work, why was my son arrested for handing out pills at school, why won't the principal call me back?"" So many questions, so few answers.

Maybe I should have a second glass of wine just this once?

Finally time for me to head off to bed worn out and wrung dry. I know the eyes will close the instant I hit the pillow from exhaustion, another beneficial symptom of CHF, but as I go I think about my heart failure and the daily challenges it presents me, then I think about my wife's job and realize just how lucky I am I only have to deal with End Stage Heart Failure, not kids or their doting parents...CHF, not so bad after all. Guess we should be thankful

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Nobody has ever survived life, but I'm trying...
My story and sticking to it
http://www.icdsupportgroup.org/board/viewtopic.php?f=36&t=9897&p=91375


August 10th, 2017, 2:25 pm
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Joined: June 19th, 2014, 12:24 am
Posts: 266
Post Re: Giving thanks
Is it lazy that I wish we had a like button so I could tick that and not have to write anything?


August 10th, 2017, 3:43 pm
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Joined: April 18th, 2009, 7:19 pm
Posts: 8461
Location: Broomfield, Colorado
Post Re: Giving thanks
Thanks Robo I needed that. Seems like between the chemo I had and the idea that why should I worry about what I eat I have a severe case of "big ankles and legs". Every nurse, three this week alone, have noted that I have CHF and I need to take more Lasic. Well I have been these last few days and yes I flush a lot yet have lost very little water weight. So Still have to try for a while.
So anyway GOOD LUCK Robo. Drain well


wavhi

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Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009.
Major heart attack, carcinogenic shock and quad bypass 10-13-08 post myocardial infarction, old inferior MI complicated by shock and CHF, combined, Atherosclerosis, abdominal aortic Aneurysm, Seroma 7 cm, left leg. Stent in the left main vein 10-7-2014

My "Wardens" are my bride of 53+ years and my eldest daughter.


August 10th, 2017, 4:17 pm
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Joined: July 23rd, 2016, 6:23 pm
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Post Re: Giving thanks
Thank you sharing this story ROBO Pop! You should write a book. :)
hearthands thanks hearthands


August 11th, 2017, 8:41 am
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Joined: February 22nd, 2010, 8:52 pm
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Post Re: Giving thanks
i'm thankful you've survived long enough to write that epic saga... I don't enjoy your pain, but your writing is wonderfully entertaining even when the topic is so dire.

As I've told Chrissy,

Image

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TruckerRon -- Received Minion I on 17 Sep 2009, Minion II on 26 Jan 2015

Non-ischemic cardiomyopathy
Medtronic Viva XT CRT-D
No shocks yet...
My intro is at: http://www.icdsupportgroup.org/board/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=3&p=57099#p57099


August 12th, 2017, 11:07 am
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Joined: February 9th, 2012, 5:09 pm
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Post Re: Giving thanks
Love this ron hahahaa..


I hear ya robo.....this past two months if i had been any way a depressive person i think i might have either kilt myself or many of the idiots i came across during the time....and you get sick being able not to do the things you want and doing the things you dont want...(like peeing ) all the time.. the fact that im trying to save my grandkids from helicopter parents and teachers keeps me going mostly lol.....and hey im not done teaching the next generation the tricks of the trade yet....that sucks about the computer..to do your job you need the right tools right?

You need to write a book

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August 12th, 2017, 2:36 pm
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